We need to talk about Hector

After a deliciously cool night ( Air con me up baby) we are off to visit the old city of Leon and swim in a volcano crater lake today. Like you do.

Our driver picks us up in a suitably hard core looking 4x4, and we go to pick up our guide. Now before I get onto our guide, let me give you my initial perceptions of the Leonese. It's possibly a tough act to follow after the charming wonderful El Salvadorians, but the Nicaraguans just don't give off friendly vibes. I think, like Leon they take a bit of time to warm up - they certainly don't greet you warmly.

That is they didn't until Hector turned up. My god that man could sell you anything. Utterly charming. He laughed, he made jokes, he had copious amounts of energy. He was also a very gifted guide. Now part of me likes to think the good in people , but there is another ' been there done that' condescending side of me that's cynical as hell thinking ummmm is this guy for real, or is he after a tip.

I'm going to let you decide. Here are some examples of his uber guide antics:-

1. Mention you are from a family of 11 brothers and sisters and you all live under the same roof.

2. Find out what interests your clients. It didn't take Hector long to work out I loved food. He picked mangos out of the tree for me. We shared a cashew fruit. The three of us picked a bag of mangos for him to take home to his family. I had happy memories of strawberry, blackberry and mushroom picking with my mum and brother. The man quite frankly played a blinder

3. Show your caring side. After getting us an amazing drink made out of ground up Jicara seeds, and a local specialty - a tortilla based Quesillo, he offers to give our leftovers to a homeless man. I know. Hero.

4. Be enthusiastic. He loves Nicaragua. He loves nature. He loves live music. The man loves everything it seems.

5. Be well liked. The locals seemed to love him. Much hugging, shoulder slapping, smiling happened. Our driver ( Oscar) and he joke away.

As if all this isn't enough - he then plays his wild card. I suspect the wild card comes out when he's guiding females. To ensure a massive tip - on arrival at the gorgeous crater lake ( laguna assososca) strip off to your tight boxers. Pose and fully show off an unbelievably toned body. Dive into the water, and spend the next 30 mins showing your amazing body off by lieing on a tree on the water's edge.

The man should give lessons.

Didn't work on Heartless of course.

Can someone lend me some money for a drink - I appear to be out of cash

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