Trying to not spend my life savings on a weekend in Norway

Norway, Bergen

I love spending time in Scandanavia - the people are happy, extremely attractive and its expensive enough to keep your british stag do's away. Despite being added to the Norwegian tourist boards email list years ago, I'd never yet taken up on their Visit Norway slogan. The allure of midnight sun though eventually got to me - and we left a rainy England crossing fingers for a sunny Bergen.

Advertised as the gateway to the Fjords ( not strictly true, but then we call Gatwick airport London Gatwick so we're not in a place where we can criticise), Bergen is Norway's 2nd largest city. It's an undeniably pretty little place, mountains surround the harbour, and the coast curves around revealing thousands of little Islets and bays. We had been warned about the eye watering prices for food and drink, and two take away coffees later ( £14) I'm afraid to tell you that the scare mongering stories are true. Norway ain't cheap. 

We checked into the Basic Hotel Bergen, and decided to stock up on breakfast goodies from the supermarket. This is the way to take on norway and come home with some cash still in the bank. 

Bergen is notorious for its frequent rainy spells,  a Norwegian Manchester if you will. All 3 days we were there though it was blue skies, 25 degrees and not even a cloud. Lucky us.

Here is pretty much my perfect long weekend in bergen

Day 1

Explore the ancient Bryggen district, spending £7 on half a pint of Hansa in the sunshine, try and find someone Norwegian working at the fish market ( All the sellers we encountered were unemployed Spanish workers who have migrated to Norway for the summer). The food in Bergen may be expensive but its also very good quality, delicious and often organic. We enjoyed everything we had a Godt Brod - several branches - delicious sandwiches and coffee.

Day 2

We needed to get to the Fjords - or at least on if not in the water. The very helpful tourist board explained the options to us, and we ended up on a 12.30 sailing south to the Skerries. Leaving bergen from the top of the ferry was very memorable, it's a city which is even more beautiful from the water ( mental note - Norway would be a good country to cruise into). This was the cheapest ferry option we could find and cost us 350 krone ( £42) for all afternoon. What I wished we had known was a fast ferry gets pretty nippy upstairs, and I spent most of the time with a slight shiver. If I went again I'd get the white lady boat and cruise around a bit more. 

Sunday evening we wanted to eat a proper dinner, with some locals. The place to go was the USF - the equivalent of the contemporary arts centre. Beautifully located on a wharf about a 20 minute walk from the Bryggen. We arrived to see hundreds of local students sunbathing on the wharf, and diving into the Norwegian Sea. This was at 8pm - and the sun was still very high and strong. We headed the excellent Kafe Kipper and enjoyed local red fish and a burger. Like with everything we ate in a norway the portions were small by English standards but incredible quality. We loved our dinner - a well spent £20 each. 

Day 3

Today was the day to see Bergen from up high. The funicular costs 80 Krone, and we enjoyed a cafe latte at Godt Brod before we went up. Man it's gorgeous up there - lots of waking trails so within 2 minutes you can feel like you are in the middle of a Norwegian forest completely alone. 20 minutes in we found ourselves at a crystal clear lake - surrounded by Fir trees and topped with the bluest of skies. 

I'm coming home feeling that I want to see more of this place. I feel healthier, fitter and like I'm going to miss sunshine at 10pm....I can see a weekend in Tromso on the cards - I want to see Midnight sun.....and I've got some spare Krone....

Light hunting in the land of the Nordic gods

2012 was meant to be the best year in 20 to see the elusive Northern Lights. I'd tried to see them several times before, and completely failed. But the odds were better, nothing ventured nothing gained right, perhaps it was time to give them another shot. I emailed a travelling partner in rum soaked crime to gauge interest. She was in. 

Iceland wasn't necessarily the best place to see them, but a 4 hour flight from Heathrow was a damn sight easier than the Northern Norway/ Sweden options. So back to Iceland for me. I went there about 4 years ago with Kathryn, we had about 4 hours daylight, and in the 20 hours of pitch black the lights opted out big time. 

This time it would be different, for a start Nikki was involved, and worked out the best weekend for us to go to maximise light spotting potential. We hired a car. Nikki advised we pack thermals. We were focused. Come on you lights.

At the airport we also decided to each buy a bottle of vodka - we'd got that staying in a hostel must buy booze mentality. It was going to be a good weekend. Admittedly I was a little disappointed we couldn't see the lights on the airplane / in the airport car park / on the drive into Reykjavik - I've always aimed high.

We were woken the next morning by blistering sunlight entering our room - it was a beautiful clear, blue sky day. Squeal. Perfect light spotting conditions. Thermals were packed, we necked some brekkie ( good bloomin breakfast at the super cool Kex hostel) and got the monster Micra out on the road. We were going to do the Golden Circle, first stop Pingvellir national park - where along with some incredible views the lady in the shop gave us some good places to spot the lights that night. Apparently they come out between 10 til 2 - and the chances for that night were excellent. We made a pit stop at a newly opened hot spring in Laugarvatn - it was a good move - we had it for ourselves for a good hour - the sun kept shining - I was loving Iceland. A tour group arrived, so we checked out off to Geysir and Gullfoss. 

Quick stop back at the hostel to get more thermals on, and we were heading back into the national park, we wanted to try a bit of local food first. One reindeer burger and Viking beer later, the charming chef told us the lights would be out soon so it was time to make a move. We headed off to our spot and were fully expecting to wait around for a few hours. Only Jane spotted them right above us. It had finally happened. I hadn't expected them to dance. I'm not sure if it was the elation of the lights, the effect of the hot spring or the beer but Helen and I were doing a little celebratory dance. We moved on to a quieter spot to look at them. I wish I'd brought more thermals, it gets damn cold at midnight in the middle of rural Iceland. But what a day....

Blue sky Saturday came , and monster micra was off again, this time in search of near death experiences. You see there really hadn't been all that much snow the day before so I think we got lulled into a false sense of security. The problem was once we'd managed to get to the top of the 30 degree incline ice road, you had to come down the other side, I had to close my eyes. Thank the nordic gods Hels was driving. We were going to need that vodka. 

That night we went out lights spotting from a boat this time - it was the prospect of a thermal onsie they lent you that attracted me. We didn't see the lights, but we did steal whisky to add to our hot chocolate, flirted with a Norwegian who had a nice jumper on and managed to not fall overboard. Result.

Hungover, Hels and I left the girls in bed, and eased our heads in one of the public outdoor heated pools. This one ( Vesturbaejarlaug) was Bjork's favourite , and was in a little suburb about 20 mins walk from the hostel. For the bargain price of £2 we got to see how the locals spent their mornings. We alternated lane swimming with dips in the various hot pots dotted around the pool. Gorgeous. 

After such a relaxing day it was time for more light spotting. We decided to head more west this time, and literally ended up in the middle of nowhere ( we optimistically thought we'd find a local inn for dinner - tip from me - there aren't any.....). We scouted the perfect spot by a lake - when they came this time they came big time. I remember lying down on a bench and giggling to myself as above and all around me I could see this surreal, beautiful light display. Kind of like silent fireworks. Stunning. 

I'd love to explain how / why the lights appear, but I'm going to leave you to google it. It's something   do with solar wind. All you need to know is that you have to make every effort you can to find them. And visit Iceland. 

We lay in: 

 http://www.bluelagoon.com/

http://www.fontana.is/

http://www.visitreykjavik.is/desktopdefault.aspx/tabid-241/492_read-510

We slept in: 

http://www.kexhostel.is/

We saw:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/video/2013/mar/25/northern-lights-footage-captured-in-iceland-video

Berlin - better than London?

After months of rain, sleet and sub zero temperatures Spring has finally turned up to the party. Happily this coincided with our first bank holiday weekend. I was off to Berlin with a Beyonce fuelled spring in my step. I had a rendezvous with the Belgian and the essentials of a great weekend were in place - city, sunshine, fun company.

I went to Berlin a few years ago, for our Alison's first weekend away without the newborn. We maxed the budget - staying at newly opened Soho House - the 3 of us had the most incredible room - complete with retro record player, sitting area and home made cookies. That and the rooftop pool meant that despite our best efforts to leave the hotel we didn't really see all that much of the city.

Another trip was needed - and the Belgian was the perfect person to explore it with. Mutual lovers of graffiti, scruffy stuff and quirky little cinemas - it was a good city for us. So all checked into a suitably plush hotel we explore the nearby area, tuck into a curry wurst at a local food stand and catch up. The next day we walk through the beautiful and huge Tiergarten and get ourselves in front of arguably the city's most famous landmark - Brandenburger Tor - the gate. From there we have a walk through the spooky field of stelae - 2,711 concrete slabs all arranged in undulating rows. The below ground museum I'd visited before - it had ( rightly) made me cry - and we didn't feel like crying on this sunny Saturday morning so our tour carried on.

We'd read about a tour along the U2 underground line - so off east we headed - getting off at Potsdamer place to admire some fine town planning in the previous no man's land, at deserted Klosterstrasse to find the remnants of the medieval city wall - fascinating. We got lost at Alexanderplatz and admired the iconic Fernsehturm. Lunch was had in the fabulous glass top floor of KaDeWe department store. The evening admiring what they've done with the city - and we lucked upon some Sushi in town and reminisced about our Japan holiday.

The next day post swim, we had reservations at the cafe at the top of my favourite building in the world, let alone Europe - the incredible Reichstag. Sir Norman Foster has designed a structure which adds so much beauty to the city - and the existing building. Truly wonderful space to explore. Booking at the cafe also means you get to skip the queues. We smugly ate our coffee and cake while others queued for hours below. After a bourgeois west berlin morning, we headed east again this time to have a look at some of the wall art at the East Side gallery - this area is so, so different to old West Berlin - huge areas of desolate space. What happened next truly made me fall in love with the city - I'd read about a foodie area in a market hall nearby. It was open. It was a cheese and wine afternoon. Full of scruffy, interesting people with beards/ tattoos/ cool trainers. In London we'd firmly be in Bermondsey territory, or my beloved Brixton Village. We ate Riesling smoked salmon at Glut and Spane, sampled wine from little producers for the bargain 2 euros/ glass , and soaked it all up.

Berlin you are cool as fuck, let's hook up more often, I see a great future for us

X

My car can tell you people are healthy..

So we arrived in Cape Town, and had our ho ha. Bit of an anticlimax, but then it's always the unplanned nights that are the fun one's.

We spent the morning saying goodbyes and then exploring the centre of town. We fell in love with the city. It ticked every single box for all of us. For me we found an amazing coffee shop ( truly yours , long street) where the barista had an easy smile and told me he made the coffee with love. For Em it was the cute shops and boutiques and the friendly owners. Jodie loved seeing the clouds roll over table mountain and the Turkish delight cheesecake from the food markets. We were as happy as pigs in mud.

Later on that day we headed to our hotel, the Cape Standard in Green Point. We'd decided to splash out - this place was pricey. Expectations were running high. I was craving gorgeous white sheets and some chill out time. The second we were greeted by our hosts we knew we were in the right place. Rudi took our bags upstairs, the room had a kettle, fridge, gorgeous beds, windows AND no crickets.

We spent the afternoon smugly relaxing by the pool. Cape Town was our kind of place. I even fell in love with the hotel cat Tinkerbell, and I hate cats.....

That evening we met up with the crew to go on a sunset cruise. Rudi - our man at the hotel was a bit worried for us - it was going to be rough he said. Rudi turned out to be bang on the money. It was tricky actually keeping any of the unlimited champagne in the glass. Jodie and I clung onto the front of the boat and got absolutely soaked. The first few times I couldn't stop giggling ( Mrs Hartley - not unlike the time in Croatia) - after about 8 more soakings the smiles were fake. Get me off this boat.

Wet and dejected we headed back to our home from home. Our night host greeted us - with a decanter of sherry and fresh milk for our tea. We were back in love with Cape Town.

A new day dawned and it was a girls day - 8 of us headed into the winelands on a private tour. The first two estates were amazing - and we enthusiastically tried all of the wines on offer. We had lunch at the 3rd in stellenbosch. We were much less enthusiastic about winery 4 and 5. We all agreed on how beautiful the scenery is though. Mountains everywhere.

In the evening we hit the shops down at the waterfront, had pasta in a very cute place, and played some pool with the group in a student pub near the university. The Zimbabwean taxi driver on the way home took the edge of this perfect day though. As the little Renault Clio was struggling with Cape Town's hills he came out with the following gem:

'I can tell you people are healthy people. Not at all sick. My car can tell this too'

It was time to leave Cape Town. Any more glasses of sherry and I was going to break someone's taxi.

X

The final ho ha

So here we are, trip over. I'm actually quite sad. Our group has really bonded and the guides have been simply amazing. Well done G Adventures.
Some of the memories ill take away from this are:
- the concept of a Christmas tree bed - uber guides phrase for putting loads of mattresses down on the floor and sleeping all together. Kind of like a sex free orgy I'd imagine
- that I hate and am terrified of crickets
- that British people are funny, and I've missed having the odd English person with me
- that the Namibian desert is a wonderful living ecosystem that really captured my imagination
- that Kudu is the finest meat I've ever eaten
- that assistant guides should learn to pull their pants up.
- that I am brilliant at losing torches
- that Germans and English people are completely incompatible
- earplugs are life savers and over 60's snore like bloody troopers
- that seeing a group of giraffe cross in front of our truck was a breathtaking moment. Surreal beautiful animals.
- that there is nothing sweeter in life than being brought tea. Even if it is to your tent
- that a night out is called a ho ha by über guide - this makes me smile
And on that note its time for the final ho ha to commence, I've got a bet on with the youngsters. I'm going to show then how we drink in England. I do hope they're ready......
X

That wasn't glamping

When I booked this trip it was the 3 weeks of camping I was nervous about. It's not the being dirty that I care about, or looking rubbish. It's the lack of sleep. No matter what all the camping lovers say, sleeping on the floor is no king size divan with Egyptian cotton sheets.

The first week or so went pretty well though, our tents were easy to put up, you could just about swing a cat inside and the sleeping mats were pretty bloody good. Über guide showed us a few tent tips and all was rosy.

Only then it rained , well more flooded in the Okavango delta and the love affair ended. Each day got a bit more draining. Things perked up when we won the bet with the boys, and we slept outside under the stars.

Last night though was the last balmy night under canvas.

Über guide asked me this morning ( while I was making my own tea) if I was going to be emotional about saying bye to the tent. I laughed and told him that I camped in England. He doesn't need to know about the glamping concept.....I'm really not sure he'd approve

X

Shit spitting

I'm sat on the truck, my view is of red mountains on the horizon, the skies are vibrant blue and I'm as happy as larry. Namibia is a truly beautiful country. I've just participated in an Oryx poo spitting competition - sadly England Canada beat me. My technique needed more work.

We had a big full on driving day yesterday - starting at 4.30am to get out to soussvlei to see the petrified forest and walk up some more dunes. Magical. Ill still be finding sand for weeks to come.
The next 10 hours were less fun -backwards seat opposite two 6ft boys with no concept of personal body space. Fortunately they respond well to my direct communication style. The bus decided to break down for a couple of hours, and decided to restart just as Em and I were under a nearby tree trying to wee. Not even the prospect of seeing über guide with oil smeared across his chest could cheer me up - I was hot, sticky and really really wanted to reach a destination.

By 8pm we reached fish river canyon in time for sunset. The crew surprised us with a cheese board and sparkling wine. All thoughts of the last 10 hours faded, Brie was nibbled, we teased the new trip couple as they watched the sun disappear together. Life was good.

Only 2 more nights left -I'm going to miss this little family.

Better make the next two days count......

X

A dune with a view

So after our desert skills training with Boesman we were ready to tackle the dunes of Sesriem and Sossisvlei. First stop was meant to be Sossusvlei where a 4wd would meet us half way and take us in. Only they didn't turn up. Change of plan meant we headed up Dune 45 for sunset instead - my fingers were crossed that über guide would find a solution so that we did get there the next day.

Namibia is famous for its dunes - the sand originates in the Kalahari, gets spread down to the orange river, from there it flows into the sea - and then gets blown over to form the magnificent dunes. Some of them are as high as 325m and are part of one of the oldest and driest ecosystems on earth.

We started our ascent in plenty of time for sunset -Dylan had the drinks bag. Über guide wasn't with us but had suggested just wearing socks to avoid burnt feet. We had an 80m high dune to get up. I started just after the fools who decided to run it. My feet were trying to imitate a springbok - just the front if my feet penetrating the surface. Calves started to burn 1/3 of the way up
. My fear of heights kicked in when the sheer drops either side got above 40m.A few people turned back -but I just dug my toes in, didn't look either side of me and pushed on.

At the top others were laughing and joking. I focussed in sitting my arse down as quickly as possible. I wasn't going anywhere. Dylan tried to throw me my drink - I had visions of free falling 80m down. The man saw sense and came to Mohammed instead.

I celebrated with my drink and surveyed the landscape. Utterly beautiful - but very, very harsh. This isn't a place I'd want to get stuck in. As the sun started to set a pair of Oryx started fighting on the ground.

The end of a day really doesn't get any better - running down the dune was also a hell of a lot more fun than climbing up.....

A night sleeping under the Namibia Desert stars.....

One of the downsides of this overland adventure is that it's very much self service - tent, tea, chair etc all need a bit of manual work to get them to be in the right place and at the right time. When we had our chill out time in Swakopmund we were on our own food wise. That meant to my delight that you didn't need to wash up or prepare your food. Time for a 3 course meal to take full advantage. Über guide in training Dylan had recommended the restaurant at the end of the pier - So a reservation for us girls was made - timed to take advantage of the sunset. Oysters started us off, the local kingklip fish was my main and we finished with an amarula desert thing - all washed down with copious amounts of South African wine ( £4/ bottle - rude not to).

Unfortunately the perfect day and evening was about to take a turn for the worse - we'd upgraded to a private room the previous evening, and sadly said private room wasnt available for the 2nd night. I was in with the old people, Jodie above chief snorer Rudi, and Em had wangled a space in the small Aussie room. To say the old people snored would be a massive understatement - I had 3 massive snorers - Lars had a very erratic sound not unlike a warthog, Rita had a consistently heavy breathing nightmarish sound. Finally I had Maria who also had a full on erratic pig like snore. It was as if each of them were competing in a ' who can piss Gemma off the most' competition. I had visions of getting no sleep at all, and was at the point of considering sleeping in the bathroom when I thought I'd try earplugs. I've never really thought they worked - but these were desperate times. Thankfully the zoo started to resemble a lower level distant farm sound. Sleep was had.

The bus was full of skydiving stories ( no deaths, lots of happy smiles) that morning, I showed people the video of the snorers. The drive was stunning, we went through two massive passes - a bit hair raising but there was some good driving by new truck driver Johnny - and in the main we all enjoyed being shaken about in the back of the truck.

An unexpected downside of the bumpy Namibian roads was a pretty much continual need for someone on the truck needing a wee stop. I'm not sure ill ever get used to al fresco urinating - and I was certainly regretting my large latte that morning.....there ain't much shade in the desert.

We made a few stops on the way to see some of the local flora and fauna - uber guide yet again showing off his enthusiasm and erm fit body. The quiver tree he showed us was very, very cool. Although I'm not entirely sure I was very focused.........

The bump fest continued into the afternoon until we arrived at the Charee camp site - in the beautiful Namibia desert. Stunning. We went out in an open top jeep with a fascinating guide called Boes Man ( bushman) - he wanted to show us how the desert was full of life - despite appearances. He showed us desert spiders, taught us some of the bushmen people's ways, and pointed out how the local plants had adapted to the water shortages. One of the most interesting things for me was about how the heavy rain falls of 2 years ago had massively changed the appearance of the desert - grass is now present where it used to be red soil.

That evening we decided to sleep out under the stars in the open air - I drew the short straw and had Tyler next to me - a known snorer ( negative) but he promised to protect me from scorpions and snakes. In the end around 10 of us slept out in what über guide called a Christmas tree bed. The snoring was minimal. Two amazing things happened on waking - firstly I saw a herd of mountain zebra's 50m away, secondly über guide was bringing me my final cuppa.

As I told him, it's a truly beautiful sight, only I didn't just mean the tea.....

Next stop: souslevkki for some red desert dune time....

Adrenaline antics

So we're now in Swakopmund, a seaside resort in the middle of Namibia's atlantic coastline. The day before we spent travelling through desert country and spent the night in an incredible campsite on the outskirts of Twyfelfontein ( doubtful spring). It's dry, hot, dusty terrain. On arrival at camp I wanted something ice cold to drink - the only thing I had was a bottle of sparkling pink stuff. The champers was bought in case we happened to be lucky enough to see Lion in Etosha - seen as we had it was time to get the cork popping. I drank so much of the stuff I ended up joining in a game of cricket that was being played in the middle of the dusty desert. Several more bottles followed - thankfully that cup of tea was delivered at 5.30 on the spot - the perfect hangover cure.

Swakop as the locals calls it has turned itself into the adventure capital of Namibia. You can indulge in 30 seconds of free falling from a plane, hurl down massive sand dunes on a piece of board or quad bike your way through the dunes. Or you can take my approach - spend the evening dancing and drinking Swakop style, wave the adrenaline junkies off, and head to a nearby cafe for a latte and a slice of cheesecake.

As I sit here the group are off skydiving, can't say I envy them.....I've had the perfect relaxing day

X

Attack of the crickets....

On the truck ( it's a bus, but the crew appear tetchy if you call it that) we have a seat rotation system in place. The idea being that everyone gets a combination of the smooth front window seats, and the bottom jarring back seats. On our journey to Etosha National Park in the North of the country Em and I were in the worst seats on the bus. Backwards facing with minimal leg room. I swallowed my travel sickness pill and hoped for the best. 5 hours later we arrived. No signs of vomit.

Etosha is meant to be one of Africa's finest parks - black faced impala, black and white rhino's were some of their rarer species. We stopped for a group photo in front of the bus/truck - I picked the worst person to take mine - he instantly dropped mine down into the red African dirt. Bugger.

Anyway other people's pictures looked lovely.....

Off into the park we headed, still facing backwards and in scorchio temperatures. Springbok was our first spot, followed by some warthog. 30 minutes or so later the beast I'd been waiting for presented itself. A pride of 4 lions, eating the zebra carcas under the cover of an Acacia tree. We watched them for a good 20 minutes - very, very exciting. The big male's are next on our wish list. The rest of the afternoon we saw giraffe, an elephant, and lots and lots of antelope.

Hot and sweaty we hit the campsite pool - heaven. The boys got the beers in, and I tried to relive the days when I could swim metres and metres underwater. I think I need to accept that was a long time ago - I couldn't even do a width. Once we'd annoyed pretty much all the other pool guests we left and after dinner made our way to the watering hole. The campsites here are truly amazing, we get to use the same facilities as the $500 lodges - including this magnificent viewing spot over the watering hole. We took our wine down - a huge male Rhino was there within 15 metres of us. Amazing. A few of us decided to sleep in a raised platform which told us we entered at our own risk. As I lay there in my sleeping bag trying to stop swarms of crickets getting into my mouth, mossies eat my forehead I decided that the animals would have to wait til the morning. I had a tent to get back to.

It's just a shame the crickets followed me there........

Never bet with someone older and infinitely wiser

Day 2 in Etosha started in a grumpy mood for a good half of our group. I'd slept on my own in my tent, after leaving the youngsters sleeping out by the watering hole. As a result I had to cope with the crickets in and around my tent all night solo. My book bares the brown stain from squashed cricket juice.

When I went down to watch sunrise by the water only 4 remained - I'd like to call them die hards, but based on the minimal sleep they had I'm going to go with fools. The sunrise was pretty despite all the groans and lack of sleep winging from behind me. Brekkie eaten it was game drive time.....

I was in full on animal watching mode - giraffe was my first spot - 7 of them making a lovely silhouette against the purple sky. Wildebeest followed, Ostrich, black faced Impala after that. The heat was starting to pick up - Lion remained elusive. Time for a swim at one of the park pools - and a pint of beer courtesy of a still tired Alex. The afternoon followed a similar pattern only the temperatures were hotter and the outdoor sleepers even more drowsy.

What happened next some people might describe as taking advantage, I'd just describe it as making shrewd decisions with a clear head. our table had Jodie, Tarzan ( über guide) and sleepy Alex on it. We got into a discussion about Music, one of the guys mentioned the Killers were Australian. Spitting out my diet Pepsi I laughed out loud - they are American you fools was what my head said, my mouth actually said erm no I think you'll find they are American. Both alpha males decided to be adamant about their Australian origins. Knowing I was right I decided to stake a bet on it. If I won I wanted a cup of tea brought to my tent for 3 mornings as soon as I woke up ( 5.30am). In return we agreed I would light Tarzan's cigarette for 3 mornings and he got up an hour before everyone else. Jodie's conditions were a little harsher- the tent had to be packed up for 3 mornings, Alex accepted and asked for the same.

The Alpha males were very, very confident. I could already taste the tea. We decided we couldn't wait til we next had Wifi. A text to my mate Ross sealed our victory. Boom!

I set my alarm at 5.30am - no sign of tea. Where was my tea servant? Late was the answer - the tea was delivered at 5.34am

Tomorrow I'm going to request he leaves the tea bag in longer and brings a biscuit

It's called continual improvement Vernon.....

Puffing up to the top of the Plateau

We woke up in Windhoek after a very boozy night out at Joe's beer house. My excessive drinking consumption was to try and hide the guilt I was feeling about eating Zebra steak and marinated Kudu. Both completely delicious - the Kudu especially so. I think I'd have had to say no to Warthog - my favourite African animal. Wonderfully cute - and annoyingly shy. They stick their little tails up in the air to lead the way to their friends.

Anyway we didn't really see much of Windhoek - we had somewhere else to be. A quick goodbye to San Fran Paul - and a bye to the hotel.....we were heading into the Waterberg Plateau. Along with being a beautiful national park the area also played a key sad role in Namibian history. During the German occupation the Germans killed 80% of the local population - some 65,000 people. Today the Herero, once the dominant tribe now only number 120,000 ( had the killings not happened their population should be circa 1.8million

On route we spotted a few baboons but nothing terribly exciting ( we're getting quote demanding on the wildlife front) - the campsite was a delight - top marks to the Waterberg Plataeu campsite. We pitched under a shady acacia tree and tried to avoid being stabbed by lethal thorns. The usual afternoon lunch, swim, chill happened, and then we headed up onto the plateau to watch the sun come down. It's not actually quite as easy as that - more puffed, strained and slowly made it to the top. Everyone else jumped out onto narrow ledges to admire the view. I sat straight down, drank a Savannah and admired the half naked boys doing the Alpha male thing on the rocks.

On the way down the young kids helped me slide down the boulders - definitely some bonuses to being an old bird........we were then rewarded with the sight of two Dik-Dik's - Namibia's smallest antelope. Very, very cute. A lot nicer than the moths that were playing run into everyone's head torches while we nibbled on our steaks.....

We went to sleep with lightning flashes and the most intense thunder storm I've ever heard. It was exciting. I'm still in love with camping.

Next stop - Etosha National Park.

Swimming in the Kalahari

So last day in Botswana today and so we were heading into the Kalahari desert. You will have heard about the Kalahari desert - it covers a vast 1.2m sq km and stretches across the Congo, Angola, Zambia, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe and South Africa. The local people here call it the land of thirst. In summer temperatures get up to a whopping 45 degrees.

3 hours after our trip started we arrived at the Ghanzi trail blazers campsite on the outskirts of Ghanzi. Vernon ( über guide) seemed excited. We drove 2 miles down a dusty red track road, trying to avoid branch damage as we went. Then it appeared. Paradise. An old quarry where some years ago they dug into water - the site built a new quarry and turned this into a private camping area. We had it all to ourselves. We excitedly pitched our tents and dived into the emerald green water.

After a few lazy hours of swimming, eating, reading and savannah drinking we head off for a walk with some local bushmen for a bear grylls how to survive in the desert session. Turned out that it wasn't just a few bushmen but around 6 men, 7 women, and 3 kids. All utterly beautiful with heart shaped faces, killer cheekbones and short curly hair. Very short they were all clad in steenbok hides and decorated with ostrich jewellery. I couldn't hide my delight. For the next hour we walked through the bush with them and they demonstrated what the various plants did. We saw demonstrations of cures for STD's, fertility treatments, a drug to do a kind of abortion and a plant that stops nightmares. It was a special hour. The little kids were incredible, we all wanted to pick them up and take them home. Truly unforgettable.

We asked lots of questions -We asked them what they thought of us - they like our hair the most - the variety. All the group were incredibly happy to have experienced meeting and learning from them in their own environment. I hope tourism and development doesn't impact their lifestyles too much.

After dinner we went to see some of their celebration songs and dances - fanny caught the eye of a young male of the group who proceeded to sit on her lap all the way through to songs and point out his relatives on her digital camera. All our hearts melted - he's the cutest little boy. The outgoing chief of the group was being crazier than before. The dances were mainly hunting celebrations - about whichever animal they had caught. The women clapped and sung while the men took centre stage.

Towards the end we were told we could take part - and the bushmen would select girls to dance with them. If we just wanted to sing and clap we could join the women. Jodie and I decided this was a sensible approach. Leave the younger girls in the group to dance. Quite why one of the 4 men ended up standing in front of me beckoning me to dance I have no idea. After saying no for a minute it was apparent I was going to have to get up. I was about a foot taller than him- so I did some embarrassing foot shuffling and giggled my way through the song. Jodie got accosted by the crazy chief but survived to live the tale.

Standard Friday in the Kalahari....

Let's see this baby from the sky

So today was the day that we return to civilisation as I like to call it, much to our guide's disappointment. Unlike the searing hot journey here where we looked a bit dog hot dogs in a bun from above, we had a much more relaxing, comfortable float back to the mainland under the cover of clouds.

The traditional canoes ( Mokoro) are beautiful, carved out of the sausage plant tree - some of the guys tried to learn how to pole ( steer) the boat and failed miserably. Our polers made it seem easy.

Anyway back on the mainland, it was time to see the Delta from the air. The Okavango delta is the worlds largest inland river delta system, covering a massive 16,000 sq km. The water never makes it to sea, instead being absorbed in the salt pans of central Botswana. Before it does though it supports a vast ecosystem which we were going to fly over.

7 of us decided to go on the flight - to be honest I'm used to 3 people planes which Philippa and I privately charter but I fought back the disappointment and tried to make the best of it. The tricky thing with things like this is who gets the good seat right? Who gets to play co-pilot. In our gang of 7 the choice was obvious. Rudi the army officer is an odd chap, very very Germanic. He can't sit still, loves playing with the camp fire and barks ' what is zit' at people on a frequent basis as he rarely understands what's going on. We knew Rudi would enjoy his time at the front of the plane. With Rudi strapped up front, the rest of us piled into the back. Temperatures were high. Smiles were on. Camera's were charged. Off we went.

The first sighting was off a herd of Elephant, then we saw hundreds of wildebeest. Every area of water seemed to contain hippo. A loan giraffe was spotted. Lots of impala. The truly amazing thing though was just seeing the delta itself - so flat but so beautiful. The water glistens, creating this fabulous lush landscape. These animals were lucky.

As we came back down to terra firma I noticed Rudi videoing the propellers and the controls and smiled to myself. I reckon he might be requesting a transfer into the Air Force.

X

Messing about in the Delta

There are lots of luxurious lodges in Botswana, where you spend $500/ night and get treated like royalty. Right now you would probably have just got back from a game drive, and are being served tea and cakes in some amazing room overlooking hippo's below.

Sadly this isn't where I find myself, instead I'm in a khaki 2 man tent, it's blowing a serious gale outside, there is a stale odour which comes from 2 days of bush camping and there are damp clothes drying from the roof of the tent.

There are lots of people ( Jodie included) who love rainstorms. They love the sound of rain on a tent. I think these people are crazy.

Now let me tell you a little about where we are - we took a speedboat from Island Sands campsite in Maun on New Year's Day into the Okavango Delta and transferred into a traditional canoe called a Mokoro. Our Poler was a lady called Margaret - she made us a bed out of our camping mats. We then spent the next 3 hours trying to lie as still as possible so that we didn't end up in the delta with our camping gear for the next two nights. I spent the trip praying I didn't get stitch in my legs. Not quite as relaxing as I'd hoped.

After rejecting our first camp site we ended up with a pitched tent in a shady area in the delta. The men dug the toilet for us. Camp fires were lit and we headed out on our first bush walk. Instantly the stresses of the morning were gone. We walked single file to try and be more inconspicuous. We came across a herd of Zebra, some warthog and generally had a lovely few hours. Back at the campsite dinner and sleep. Oh and an accompanied walk to the bush toilet - no one wants a hyena to sneak up on you while squatting hey.

Bush camping day 2 starts with a 4 hour bush walk and a 5.15am start. Single file again and people wearing bright colours at the back. Not quite sure why we bothered - any animal would have heard us coming a mile off. It was a fabulous walk - herds of Wildebeest and Zebra, a spotted Hyena, lots of warthog, a leopard turtle and we heard a lion call. Exciting stuff. The last hour in the searing African heat was tough though - we were all overheating. The solution was being taken in a Mokoro to a local swimming spot. A swim never felt so needed.

Anyway back to the here and now, it's still raining, I'm still banished to the tent.

It's definitely time to upgrade......

The elephant crossing

We arrived into Botswana today - and headed into Chobe National park. Tents erected we joined a boat trip along the Chobe river - hoping to spot elephant and hippo.

The national park is one of the jewel's in botswana's tourism crown and covers 11,000 sq m. Thousands of elephants roam the park. Our chances were good.

The trip didn't let us down - the brown dots in the distance were hippo. Lots and lots of hippo. We grinned with excitement. Elephant were then spotted, and we were in luck - they crossed the river - 5 of them right in front of us. They then put on a real show Helping each other across, squirting - truly majestic creatures. The joy on the last elephants face when he gave his bum a big scratch thanks to a nearby Boabab tree was priceless.

We were all happy eating our lasagne that night - I went to sleep with a big grin.

Next morning some of us headed back into the national park to spot some more animals. It's a gorgeous park. The animal highlights were seeing two 3 day old baboons playing with their parents, seeing 2 wild dogs - a endangered species and a group of giraffe pass by our truck.

Botswana is certainly impressing.....next stop Planet Boabab campsite before heading into the delta in a brand new year.

The day in the life of an overland truckee

So I mentioned that I was camping but I thought I'd try and give a bit more of an idea of a typical day as a passenger on this trip involves

6am - wake up usually covered in sweat/ in the same clothes you have been wearing all week

6.15am pour yourself a cup of tea ( long life milk) - remember how creamy and delicious a nespresso latte tastes. Eat whatever our guide has made for brekkie ( so far French toast , pancakes and scrambled eggs have been on the menu)

6.30 try and look like you know how to dismantle a tent. Cram your belongings together - usually in the pitch black

6.45 help pack everything onto the truck...

7.00 hit the road........

7 - 3 drive, have our very enthusiastic guide Vernon intercoms through spotting wildlife or telling us trivia, eat Pringles, wave at children.

3 - try and pretend I know how to erect a tent.

3-6 some sort of walk/ boat trip / chill out

Evening - our guide and his assistant make us amazing food on the campfire - always delicious - and we sit around the campfire talking through the day.

You do all this with other truckee's - this group are a bit of a mixed bag. We have :-
A lovely Belgian girl called Fanny
A 60 year old Swedish couple called Lara and Maria. I feel for Lars - Maria didn't realise it was a camping trip and she's been bitching about it ever since. Lars had to buy her an air bed.
3 20 year old Australian students. Nice, talk about Aussie rules football at length, very anti Perth
A couple from Australia, 2 Dutch girls, 2 Canadian girls and a nice guy from San Fran.
Dylan - our assistant - a very, very laid back South African. Very peculiar about how you chop vegetables, has a bum crack permanently on display.
Vernon - our very own Tarzan - the über guide. Lovely guy, very considerate, organised, helpful and really enthusiastic about his continent. One word - amazing.
And finally the oddball in the group - a woman who walks with a cane from Canada - she's about 60 - does absolutely nothing to help the group - we have to put her tent up, cook all her food, give her the best spot on the trips etc etc. other people think she's sweet - but I ain't fooled.

I can't help but think it would be a better trip if someone else put the tents up and brought that cup of tea to my door.......